So you want to be a tour guide?

The private guide certification papers for Antietam Battlefield are here. (Hat tip to Tim Reese.)

Take note of the sample test questions at the end.

These questions would be better, I think:

(1) Do you physically molest strangers?

(2) Have you ever comitted a felony?

(3) Do you assault people during violent arguments?

(4) Do you tire easily?

(5) Have you personally visited every point of interest on this battlefield?

(6) Can you point visitors to the lavatory?

(7) Can you read historical markers aloud without stumbling?

(8) Where's the nearest place to get a drink?

(9) Can you resist an argument?

(10) Are you willing to take out-of-town checks?