1/10/2005

Bierce had a word for it

Ambrose Bierce was one of those lucky enough to have fought a long war as an infantryman - and to live to write about it afterwards. He would have made a fine military analyst:
Bragg always retired when we wanted to fight and fought when we most desired peace. [...] By the time that Rosecrans had got his three scattered corps together we were a long way from Chattanooga, with our line of communication with it so exposed that Bragg turned to seize it. Chickamauga was a fight for possession of a road.
Bierce started with Rosecrans in the East (under McClellan) and saw Rosecrans relieved in the West.

The bitterness of "Bitter Bierce" had its foundation in the War of the Rebellion, I think, and just for fun, I've selected a few ACW-themed definitions from his famous Devil's Dictionary. Put down those rose-colored glasses and have a Bierce break.

Abatis, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish inside.

Barrack, n. A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others.

Battle, n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.

Gunpowder, n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted.

Liberty, n. One of Imagination's most precious possessions.

Monument, n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

Non-combatant, n. A dead Quaker.

Offensive, adj. Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations, as the advance of an army against its enemy.

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amuck by hamstringing it.

Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Projectile, n. The final arbiter in international disputes.

Rebel, n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.

Reveille, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted.

Valor, n. A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope.

War, n. A by-product of the arts of peace.

Yankee, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (See DAMNYANK.)