The brief return of Dr. Strange

Lo, he has been unchained, his tongue freed to chant spells against his Illini masters.
Any pretense that you’re hiring the best person necessarily [for the ALPLM], that you’re conducting a search or that you’re really trying to hire quality and that’s all that matters is absolute nonsense.
But the evil Illini invoke protective spells of process:
Mr. [Rick] Beard is no longer an employee of the state, and we are not going to address his allegations.
And thus, with this brief but powerful recitation, all power of allegation is rendered harmless! Checkmate, Dr. Strange!

Banished again to the oblivion dimension by his sinister overlords, Dr. Strange will spend eternity imploring the unhearing powers that be, "Ask Mrs. Cellini."